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Friday, February 23, 2024

Massive Bag, Massive Foot – Bike Snob NYC


You might or might not be jealous of my traditional lugged bicycle, however should you reside in New York Metropolis I wager you’re jealous of this:

Lots of you in all probability take washing your bikes without any consideration, however right here within the metropolis hoses will be laborious to come back by, and I’ve even recognized Freds who paid native constructing superintendents and shopkeepers for just some minutes of hose entry…which I’m now realizing sounds extremely pornographic, however it’s what it’s. I actually used these coin-operated automobile wash thingies for years–and sure, that may be a suspension fork:

Fox gave it to me earlier than the 2009 SSWC. It’s fairly good should you’re into that form of factor. I nonetheless have it should you’re .

By the way in which, the Normcore Bike is after all a traditional lugged bicycle:

Although clearly if you suppose lugs you suppose one thing like this:

There’s been a lot discuss of lugs within the feedback currently, however I’d a lot fairly discuss capacious saddlebags:

Once I’m all clipped in and stuffed into the Lycra and usually clenching my sphincter I like a taut little bag that evokes a scrotum if you’ve simply emerged from a chilly physique of water:

By the way in which, I understand even that one wouldn’t go muster with the true roadies, preferring to go actually small:

Personally I can’t chill out until I’ve one tube, one patch equipment, two tire levers, and one multitool–at a minimal. (And a pump after all, however I don’t preserve that within the bag.) That’s to not say all these issues are literally there after I want them, since when you’ve got a number of bikes you’re all the time pilfering stuff from your individual saddle baggage and forgetting you probably did it, however ideally I’ve not less than all of that, and it’s usually ample for a Fredly street trip the place you’re simply going out for a number of hours at a time, aren’t leaving the pavement, and should not even get off the bike in any respect.

Nevertheless, because the angle relaxes and the tire quantity will increase, so too does the saddle bag, and on a motorcycle like this I’ll go all “outdated man within the steam room:”

So what’s inside? Effectively, there’s a buying bag:

Since I truly get off this bike and can even sometimes run an errand or two on the way in which residence I discover it helpful to maintain a buying bag in there, although on this case I’m utilizing it to pack a lunch–one thing I’d by no means do on a street bike:

On this case my lunch was a turkey sandwich on gluten-free bread:

Mock if you’ll, however alas, my food plan is not any affectation. Fairly a number of years in the past I started experiencing more and more extreme assaults of hives (or I assume technically it’s edema?), and finally found I’d one way or the other turn out to be allergic to wheat. This requires me to eat gluten-free bread if I wish to benefit from the comfort of a sandwich, although sadly comfort is the one factor I’m having fun with because it’s like consuming a dry sponge. Lately I discovered myself hoping that possibly my midlife-onset allergy had vanished as shortly and mysteriously because it had appeared, and so I ate an actual pizza. Shortly after I used to be coated in buboes and downing Benadryl till I handed out, so apparently it has not, however the time between ordering the pizza and the onset of the hives was maybe probably the most blissful hour I’ve spent previously decade.

I can’t wait to see what I turn out to be allergic to subsequent. With my luck it’ll in all probability be leather-based saddles.

Moreover the buying bag (and the lunch, after I’m so inclined), I additionally carry a small lock simply in case I wish to run right into a retailer or one thing:

Always remember that in 2008 I used to be the 183rd-best singlespeed mountain biker on this planet:

That was again after I was comparatively younger and scrappy. Now I’m an outdated fop with a wheat allergy who rides a Rivendell with a triple.

Additionally in my saddle bag is…one other bag:

Outdated Man Petersen gave me that bag, and I take advantage of it as a handbag for my precise bike instruments and sundries:

For a street bike I carry the naked minimal, however since that is my Trip Bike there’s additionally a sequence instrument and some spare hyperlinks and possibly even a spoke wrench someplace in there, however I’m unsure.

However wait, there’s extra!

Final summer season I used to be driving upstate with my son on our trip and we discovered a bunch of those, which he thought was cool, so I caught it in there and preserve it as form of a fortunate allure. I’m not a Shotgun Fred so I don’t know what to make of this:

I assume it’s for a 12 gauge, which as a firearm ignoramus I simply assume all shotguns are, in the identical means bike ignoramuses name something with drop bars a “10-speed:”

I assume in a pinch if I get stranded within the forest in a single day I can use it to gather three drams of rainwater and drink it.

Anyway, even with all that there’s nonetheless sufficient room left to shed a layer of clothes and stow it:

You can even mount the bag on the entrance, which I used to do typically, and which lets you get in there when you’re driving:

However with the drop bars the cables get in the way in which–although it’s greater than price it as a result of drops are significantly better for my trademark daredevil descents:

I’m like Paolo Savoldelli’s rather more cautious out-of-work cousin:

Or this man, who kinda appears to be like like he’s wheeling an invisible bike:

See?

The resemblance is uncanny.

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